When it comes to asking for help there are two kinds of people: those that do and those that definitely do not.
I’m a “definitely do not” and I have a feeling that you might be too. Why, oh why, is asking for help so damn hard?
Recently, in a moment of complete overwhelm and fear, I heard the voice of my teacher and friend, Gabrielle Bernstein, in my head reminding me of an important lesson from A Course in Miracles:
The presence of fear is a sure sign that you are trusting in your own strength. – A Course in Miracles
And was I ever! I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders and I was trying to carry it alone. As I’ve previously shared, stress is my comfort zone and independence my middle name. I’ve viewed these traits as what made me strong and capable. But that’s a load of BS. It’s these traits that can weaken me. They dim my light, lower my vibes, tax my physical body, and dampen my spirit. Struggling, suffering, and faking it until you make it (which you never do) keep us from ease, peace, and freedom. They keep us small and feeling like the victim. And they certainly attract more and more chaos.
This was my experience. I found myself feeling as low as I could imagine and thinking “Well, at least it can’t get any worse than this.” and then it did. In a matter of days I experienced extreme professional stress topped with serious personal struggles. Illness. Loss. Fear. And so, so, so many tears.
I felt broken and too exhausted to pretend that I was fine. And luckily in that moment the universe reminded of that beautiful ACIM lesson. I stopped everything that I was doing in that moment – even though my to-do list was massive – and sent out an SOS distress call to my Spirit Junkie besties. And whoosh – a weight was immediately lifted. The stresses didn’t go away, the to-do list not erased, the illness not resolved. But how I was experiencing them changed. I felt held, supported, and heard. I felt stronger and lighter.
And all I did was show my vulnerabilities and admit that I was struggling. Who knew? I could actually feel stronger from doing the thing that I so frequently equated to weakness. I didn’t need anyone to fix anything for me, totally understand what was going on, or even offer a hug. All I needed was to surrender my struggle.
To my spirit junkie level 2 family – you have no idea what you did for me in that moment when I reached out. You swooped in and wrapped me in warm, loving, protective light. You called in our angels to hold me up. You reminded me of my own wings. You let the light back in. You reminded me that I do not walk this path alone. And I am forever grateful.
Let’s commit to asking for help for 30 days just to see what happens. As my friend Amber reminds me, we can always go back to our old ways. It’s just an experiment. (But I have a feeling that we’ll never want to go back!)
True strength comes from asking for help.
- Sometimes it is easier to ask for help in our journals or on our meditations pillows – and that is okay. Start by asking the universe (God, spirit, angels, inner guide, whatever floats your boat) for help. Use this mantra: “I release (fill in the blank) to you. Please help me to see things differently. I trust that I am being guided and supported.” I’ve been known to open my journal to a blank page and write in huge letters “I SURRENDER!” and then hit my meditation pillow for some quality time.
- Take the help that is being offered to you! I can’t count the number of times that I’ve been stressed to the max and Andrew offered me help. And not even just a casual “How can I help?” but concrete help – offering to walk the dog, make dinner, or even help me with my work. And I almost always say no. Why?? Help is being offered up on a silver platter and I know that it would relieve some of the pressure and yet I still say no. I seriously need to work on that.
- Ask for what you need. Oh boy – it’s getting real now! Raise your hand if you’re ever found yourself knowing exactly what you need from someone else (a coworker, friend, loved one) and just as you’re about to ask for it you swallow your words? (My hand is raised high!) The next time you find yourself in this position, just spit it out. More likely than not the person on the receiving end will be more than happy to help you. They’ve probably been waiting for you to ask. And you will feel so much more supported.
I am almost finished designing my May Cause Miracles group coaching program. Be sure to get on my newsletter list so that you’ll be the first to get the details about this life-changing six-week course!
Have you read Eat, Pray, Love? It is one of my favorite books and I’m re-reading it with my spiritual bestie, Katie Dalebout, in preparation for #WWBookClub. Read (or re-read!) the book and join us! (I won’t tell if you only watch the movie!)
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