I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately. Trying to understand that good parts of fear and cultivating tools to deal with the negative side of fear. Here’s the thing that I know to be true about my fear: it speaks first and the loudest. I was just texting with a friend and mentor and she asked me: “If this worry could speak, what would it say?” And without thinking I responded with: “You will always be stuck, unseen and broke.”
My fear is the queen of the mean girls.
I’m in a time of immense healing, growth and transition. My coaching business is growing. My day job carries a lot of responsibility. I am working intensely with my naturopath to heal. I am incorporating essential oils into my business. And all of that change revs up my fear to the point that it’s all that I can hear. It also manifests as physical symptoms – usually migraines and intense bloating. And keeps me up at night. My fear is constantly whispering (actually, yelling) in my ear, taking control of my body and speaking for me.
My fear is part of me.
But it’s also not real. It’s a story that I’m telling myself. The fact that I feel the fear is very, very real. But the fear itself isn’t real.
My fear is doing what it’s designed to do: protect me. I’m walking in the woods and I see a giant bear: I feel fear. I’m walking alone at night and get the sense that I am being followed: I feel fear. Fear = protection. But sadly fear isn’t the smartest cookie. It believes that everything is a threat. So any move gets fear all worked up.
We can’t get rid of our fear because we need it when we need it. It’s just that we don’t need it all that much.
So, it’s the job of our lifetime to learn to tell the difference between the fear we need (aka: BEAR!) and the fear we don’t (aka: Going live in Facebook). The fear we need will inspire action: run, call for help, defend. The fear we don’t need will inspire stagnation: don’t try, don’t change, don’t speak up. The fear we need will help us. The fear we don’t need will hurt us. Our job is also to train our fear.
Hey, fear. Thanks for coming but I’ve got this. You can rest.
When your fear is triggered, calm it down so that you train it (aka: you) that this action/thought/place isn’t dangerous. One of my favorite ways to train my fear is Emotional Freedom Technique//Tapping. Check out this post to learn more about EFT. Another simple, in the moment technique is to disprove your fear.
Fear: I will be stuck forever.
Truth: I’ve already come so far so why would that growth stop now?
Honor your fear but also stand up to it.